Originally Posted by
Quinne 
Hi all,
This has me in a bit of a spin as it's 2am and I can't sleep :/ My sponsor has said to me that because i'm taking a prescription medication (strictly AS prescribed, sometimes less than) to level out my mood slightly, i'm still using that as a crutch to help deal with everyday emotions and she can't take me past step 2 as that's not been her experience. That part is fair enough, but we haven't even begun on step 1 and i've been in touch with her every day for the last 2+ months. The fact that this is taking forever to make even a shred of progress is excruciating.
Contrary to what she may believe or think, i'm still riding an absolute rollercoaster; fear and anxiety that can't be alleviated (unless i'm sitting in a meeting, funnily enough), horrific lows and loneliness, psychosomatic symptoms, you know....the works. I have no doubt in my mind for a second that i'm powerless over alcohol. I fully accept this & can identify where and how-internally and externally-my life had become unmanageable. I don't know if it's supposed to be that simple, or a little more complex?
Anyway, my Dr's opinion is that i'm doing "marvelously" at the moment and actually encouraged me to keep taking this medication (valium, up to 5mg per day). I broached the idea of setting up a tapering schedule as I feel that in some ways, i'm a fraud in this whole process, but he actually ignored that request. He voiced that coming off the medication completely and the subsequent withdrawal would be unwise as i've got enough on my plate right now.
There's a lot of internal conflict going on, but i'm not sure if this stems from my interpretation of a guilt trip from my sponsor, or if I do feel like i'm not being 100% honest with myself. If anyone would care to share their experience, it would be greatly appreciated
xx
I'm in the aa program and I'm sorry you have a bad sponsor.. That's none of her d@mn business! I have a sponsor who studied under a well know person in AA and she tells me that she's not my doctor and what I take is between me and my doctor (I'm not taking a habit forming med) and I'm taking anxiety meds for now, I will be formally diagnosed when I'm around 6 months-it's leaning toward bipolar disorder. She's a hard core Sponsor-she learned from one of the best! She's supportive of me, my doctors and counselor-she even is willing to drive me to the hospital if I feel suicidal (thankfully not as bad as I used to be). BUT PLEASE consider getting another Sponsor.. you deserve that much.. and it sounds like she has you doubting so much.. Don't feel bad about firing her-YOUR SOBRIETY comes FIRST! I had to let go of 3 sponsors to find her..
DO NOT come off meds if you are getting positive results, your mind needs that as much as someone needs diabetic meds or even heart meds... your mind is just as precious! YOUR doctor told you the way it is-don't let a non professional person tell you different! Believe me, having someone supportive has helped me greatly. See I couldn't go numb anymore with alcohol-but I found it unbearable dealing with my mental health issues and was suicidal (as I had been self medicating for YEARS). When I went on meds, it did make dealing with the mental health much better-sobriety is still a fight-but I have to do whats best for me and no one else!
When it comes to your sobriety, you may find that you have to step over people to get there-you go right ahead and step right over the top of her.. When you do find another-remember to thank her for what she has done for you and that you found someone to help you. What you can do is take phone numbers of the ones with years of sobriety-look for the ones who share a strong message of experience, strength and hope- and call them, you may find strong support, friendship and among them a great sponsor... try to venture out of your immediate town-I went one town over (was having a really bad day-feeling suicidal and wanting to pick up (one month ago) AND I found her! It's been great since-the unconditional love I have from her Makes me feel so good about myself and keeps me fighting everyday-she's got what I want-and if she can do it-I can do it! Good luck Girl, don't give up!