Hi all,
This has me in a bit of a spin as it's 2am and I can't sleep :/ My sponsor has said to me that because i'm taking a prescription medication (strictly AS prescribed, sometimes less than) to level out my mood slightly, i'm still using that as a crutch to help deal with everyday emotions and she can't take me past step 2 as that's not been her experience. That part is fair enough, but we haven't even begun on step 1 and i've been in touch with her every day for the last 2+ months. The fact that this is taking forever to make even a shred of progress is excruciating.
Contrary to what she may believe or think, i'm still riding an absolute rollercoaster; fear and anxiety that can't be alleviated (unless i'm sitting in a meeting, funnily enough), horrific lows and loneliness, psychosomatic symptoms, you know....the works. I have no doubt in my mind for a second that i'm powerless over alcohol. I fully accept this & can identify where and how-internally and externally-my life had become unmanageable. I don't know if it's supposed to be that simple, or a little more complex?
Anyway, my Dr's opinion is that i'm doing "marvelously" at the moment and actually encouraged me to keep taking this medication (valium, up to 5mg per day). I broached the idea of setting up a tapering schedule as I feel that in some ways, i'm a fraud in this whole process, but he actually ignored that request. He voiced that coming off the medication completely and the subsequent withdrawal would be unwise as i've got enough on my plate right now.
There's a lot of internal conflict going on, but i'm not sure if this stems from my interpretation of a guilt trip from my sponsor, or if I do feel like i'm not being 100% honest with myself. If anyone would care to share their experience, it would be greatly appreciated
xx
