Reality
A wonderful man has kept in contact with me from my conception to this site. He's encouraged me, inspired me and believed in me. No questions asked (other than if I was okay)
This man has been in my thoughts, back of my brain and even my evil Satan voice. Has it helped? Yes. Has it cured me? No. Do I still drink? Yes! I can not/will not lie.
Please see my email below:
I'm sorry. You've been so kind to check on me and I have not returned the mail. I guess I kind of felt like a hypocrite for coming here while I was still drinking so I stopped coming.
I'm still drinking twice a week, can't seem to break free. I have been doing some major soul searching and looking at my life trying to get a grip on what keeps drawing me in. I've found myself making excuses, "I'm not like the others, I only drink at home and I don't get violent and i have a good job and I'm well educated etc etc etc"
I responded to an ad recently about a disabled man needing help, he wanted a computer as he couldn't afford one on his disability cheque, I felt the need to give, so I delivered one to him, full set up with flat screen monitor and all cables etc. it felt good. It made me see that the simple things in life that we take for granted do not go unnoticed by all. He only wanted to be able to keep in touch with family on Facebook. It hit home in a big way. Not enough to make me quit drinking but it sure made me see that I have so much to be thankful for and I wonder why I'm allowing myself to remain a prisoner?
This man is confined to a wheelchair, in an assisted living facility, no privacy, no extras (unless he provides them himself) he was happy to get a new computer to be in touch with the outside world. I'm getting closer to cutting ties with the outside world if I keep it up. How can a bright girl not realize that?
Common sense! I was lucky to be born with common sense yet I abuse that gift by constantly testing it. One cannot learn common sense, you either have it or you don't.
So, this has been my dilemma as of late, please forgive my lack of contact, I simply could not be phoney and in all honesty, I came here to be sober....and I'm not.