Etta

Hi. I've been reading/lurking for several months but have never posted before. I see a lot of myself in many of the posts I read here and it brings me a lot of comfort to know there are other people out there like me.

I don't know why I am so nervous about posting here but I am. I have felt that I have had a problem with alcohol for several years. I've never gotten a DUI or lost a job or really had anything dramatic happen because of my drinking. I just feel like it's slowly sucking the life out of me...making me more apathetic, depressed, anxious and isolated.

I drink at least a bottle of wine almost every night. I do it to deal with anxiety, depression and lonliness.

I am a pretty successful person in my job, and my job puts me in the public eye. I have friends, but not really close friends. I live far away from family, but my family is pretty dysfunctional so that's not necessarily a bad thing. I just kind of feel empty inside. Like I'm going through the motions of life but not really living or enjoying life.

I do most of my drinking alone. When I am with friends I don't get out of control. A lot of my friends drink a lot more than me. Most of my friends are these really high-functioning, successful people. I am a lawyer, although honestly I don't like most lawyers, LOL. I'm kind of on the more reserved side and I have to constantly deal with people trying to push me around, although for the most part I handle it. I also feel like I am starting to lose my edge at work. Nothing bad has happened but I feel like I am slipping.

Anyway, I know what I am doing is not working, but the thought of stopping seems so overwhelming. I feel like I am slowing dying inside.

Not sure what I am looking for by posting this. Maybe just someone to listen. Thanks. I really do feel better when I read the posts and comments here.