Yes,yes,yes, been there, felt all of that an worn the t-shirt. I've said all of that to myself, my friends etc but.... I carried on going out drinking. Each time I got drunk. Unlike you I do suffer with dreadful, almost nervous breakdown like hangovers, if that wasn't enough I still kept drinking. It remained the same effect or got worse, never better. I don't do AA any more, it just wasn't for me. But I knew if I wanted a better life, not super fantastic, millionaire out of this world lifestyle, just normal, without feeling so I'll I wanted to die, without the guilt, humiliation, chaotic family relationships, just normal peaceful life, I knew I had to stop drinking. That's without mentioning the health issues. You have to decide whether it's better to drink, or not, I can't say that it's as easy or as flippant as that but life is better sober, for me. Honest, good luck x