Thank you all for the support.
For some reason I still cannot get over how upset I am with myself. The thought that I may never be able to responsibly drink, to have a beer with a buddy after work or at a sport's game, to have a glass of wine at dinner or at a wedding, seems to bother me the most for some reason. I am so pissed at myself. I don't blame anyone or anything for what has happened besides myself. I feel like there is something wrong with who I am and I guess the thing that really scares me is that abstaining from alcohol my entire life only fixes the consequences not my inherent flaw.
I feel lesser of a person for even being an alcoholic in the first place, upset that a few stupid decisions have lead me potentially to a point of no return. Even if I never had another drop of alcohol in my life, it wouldn't change the fact I will always be an alcoholic. I never asked to be an alcoholic. I don't want to be an alcoholic. Hell I don't even have a good reason as to why I am one.
I'm just so confused. This problem has hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel as if I am doomed forever, regardless of my actions.
-Irrelevant