Lizatola
I have asked the same question...what words to express boundaries. Over the past few weeks I have come to realize (because I can't stand it any more) I simply state, "Please do not call past 9 p.m." That is our boundary to our married ASon. He has become pretty nasty lately (late alcoholism) and I emailed him saying, "We love you and hope some day you want to join the family again and participate with your dad, me, your brother, your cousins, aunts and all the friends who love and care about you." Well, he (ASon) became pretty angry. Well, I am pretty annoyed, angry, the whole works. I need piece of mind. One of the other boundaries I have stated clearly is, "I am not going to take any more of your nastiness." PERIOD. I didn't say period...but I mean it. He then tried to call here (because his kids are visiting) and I picked up/hung up. I don't need to interact with an alcoholic. My son is somewhere in there, but right now... I don't know...maybe he has died. I just don't know.
I imagine when a person has had ENOUGH of an alcoholic, they state their boundaries. That does not mean you say to your alcoholic, "This is my boundarie......" What it means is "Do not call past 9 p.m."
My alcoholic (use to be a wonderful son) has had DUI 3. I don't know what is going to happen now. I know I can't change the outcome. I feel i have lost a son, but am told he is there somewhere. But, if he doesn't stop drinking, he may die. I can't do anything about it. What am I going to do??? Lock him in handcuffs??? I feel sad. He could drink himself to death and he has two children who abolsutely adore him. Tell me everything daddy tells them, teaches them. He is calmer than their mom...they love him. When they are old enough to realize what he is doing, has done... they may be angry with him before they learn about alcoholism.
My best to you. I keep trying to understand this. I need to work at understanding life is short and living life with my husband of over 40 years...and BTW our marriage has been challenged over the past 5 months because of our alcoholic son who we both love and adore ( like his children). He is the son any mother would want...would give, give, give the shirt of off his back.
Life is what it is.