Not easy
Well, this is my first time posting here. I have been where you are with all 3 of my kids. It is very hard, because at 16, your daughter is still a child. When you keep them out of the house at that age, there is terrible conflict in you (there was for me). I had guilt, helplessness, terrible fear. You feel like a failure as a parent. This is your flesh and blood, not some obnoxious drunk lover or spouse, and all her life you have been responsible for her well being. It really is horrible, I well know. Your efforts with her counselor are the right thing to do, because even if your efforts fail, she will know deep inside that you give a damn and are trying to help. This love means something; it is powerful. Try not to show anger; it gives her an excuse to use drugs. Be as calm and firm as possible; just reiterate your rules: for instance: "You can come and live at home if you agree to go to meetings (or the counselor) 3 times a week, and remain free from drug use. If you can't stop the drugs, you agree to go to a rehabilitation program (or whatever) If you are not willing to stay clean, you can't live here, it is too painful for your mother and myself. But remember, the door will always be open if you can agree to these rules." Something like that. Too bad there's no way to lock her up until she comes to her senses! I'll tell you what, I have thought many times that if I would have known the pain of having addicted children, I probably never would have had children. The good news is, while there's life, there's hope of recovery. I have 3 kids; at least 1 of them has a great recovery for 2 years now. The other 2 keep trying and haven't yet got it right, but keep coming around to it to try again. We, as parents, have to try very hard to allow ourselves happiness, and not to blame ourselves. It's hard but possible. With love,
P.