Ah yes seasick...you reminded me. I had a "dirty little secret" too...one that occupied a lot of space in my head and fed my drinking. It was a source of great shame and confusion for me for a long time.
Like RobbieRobot says, though, that's not unusual. Many of us have things like that to sort out.
The interesting thing is that even though the secret fed my drinking, I couldn't do anything about it til I quit. And then once I quit, and dealt with the issue, and realized where it all came from, it lost ALL its power.
It's truly wonderful to be free, seasick. Hang on. You'll see.