Thank you for this thread, MadeofGlass, I like it.
In the six months since I told my AH to leave us, I have found myself describing to friends that I'm trying to build a "new kind of normal". It is taking time and, like others have said, I don't think I can ever achieve real "normie" status because I can't unsee what I've seen and I can't forget what I've lived through. And as long as I can remember those experiences in a healthy way (this will also take time) I actually think it will be healthy and constructive and will help me to live a better and safer life.
In the meantime, it's a case of little things changing. Things like:
~ Mummy relaxing and being able to give 100% of me to my precious sons rather than being a coiled spring waiting for the next flare up from AH (actually making me tense up just typing this, as I remember how awful it was)
~ Making the effort to plan things that I enjoy - but that were tainted for so many years - eg going for dinner and to the theatre, because AH tended to wreck them. It's like a revelation each time I go out and just have a lovely time. It's so, so special to me to do that and I have to remind myself that actually, erm, it's just normal.
~ Re-arranging the furniture in the house. AH always sat in a particular chair and got comatosed. I couldn't bear seeing that chair in the corner so I've been through a couple of move-arounds and it has helped. Strange as it sounds, I can actually sit in that chair myself now - but it will never go back into that corner.
~ Playing music that I love, when I want to. And especially, playing silly goofy music with the boys and all dancing around like lunatics and roaring with laughter, especially when we all wiggle our bottoms and do the twist!
~ When the boys have gone to bed, sitting in peace and quiet and soaking up the serenity.
Now, it ain't all good times and it's no bed of roses, but when I can grab these moments of normality, I love it.