I think you summed it up quite nicely. I remember feeling so alone and horribly scared: Had I done too much damage to survive my years of drunkeness? Or worse, what if getting sober actually worked--and I had to come face-to-face with my ugliness? All I knew was that I couldn't keep doing what I had done for so long. I had to quit drinking or I would die. And I didn't want to be eulogized as a a pathetic lush. All you have to do right this minute is stay away from that first drink. Stick around, read the posts, ask questions, find your way. It gets better.