Thank you, Jur.
I also learned to act the way that my mother acts, and I'm eternally grateful that I've been given the insight and courage to address those negative, learned behaviors for the sake of my own quality of life, and that of my son and husband.
What it really feels like to me right now is that it's not really the specifics, in terms of people or situations, that are bothering me and causing me to feel angry and ashamed.
It feels much more conscious now, as a realization that it's something deeper, somewhere where my inner child lives, and it really has very little to do with my in-laws, and only a bit to do with my mom's choices in her life.
Something has triggered that anger and those feelings of shame, or maybe a few things have triggered those feelings, and I'm reacting to the stuff that's going on on the outside, rather than addressing where the feelings originate from and helping to heal that part of myself. (I hope that makes sense.)
I know that the anger I'm feeling isn't *really* directed towards my mom (or at least not in the present terms, and only a little bit at that), or my in-laws. They're just annoying people, but in the end we're all just human beings, so I know that for myself, it's just much better to accept people the way they are. Take them or leave them, whatever, but it's very important for me that I _accept_ them.
It's a little bit more difficult with my mom, as I do want to continue to have a relationship with her, but she really does make it difficult sometimes. I'll give her some benefit though, that she's moderately easier to deal with than she used to be.
My son is napping now, so I think I'll take an hour or so to try to feel around within myself, and offer some love and compassion to the part (or parts) of me that are feeling hurt, angry, and ashamed.
