Also an update on me: I found a meeting but its pretty far away, I am considering going, but today I am going to call the local outpatient/inpatient rehab & see if they have any suggestions for me, perhaps something closer. And once I find something through them or not then I am going to go to a meeting. You re all right, I need to get me better. If I dont I will deterrioate into more than an 'emptyshell' (is that possible?) ANd if things with my husband & I dont work out, I will have a support group besides SR& perhaps an insight as to why I pick these men& how I can stay away from them!!! Also if I get offered this job it will get me away for a little bit, I will work a different shift than my husband PT and I will have a few days out of the house & interacting with people, so that will be good for me too. Baby steps to get me better! WHat englishgarden said really hit me today, I need to help myself I cant keep letting him break me down, I am new at all of this& learning the ropes, last time I didnt get myself help and I really should have, I cant sit here and think "oh, hes getting help & everything is gonna be better, for me and him" that is obviously not the case. He was clean, I felt ok, then he relapses& I feel worth nothing again. My self worth should not depend on his choice to use or be clean. This time I MUST be stronger for me, I MUST get help. I cant keep going between moments of weakness & moments of strength (if you can even call it that), its no good for me.