I am an alcoholic. 76 days sober! I just got back from an AA/ Alanon conference. It was amazing, moving, inspiring, unifying.
I didn't think I was an alcoholic at first for a few reasons. First, I had been addicted to marijuana for about four years, and after I quit that with miraculous help from Jesus, I thought that had been THE one and only addiction issue I personally would ever face. I didn't understand yet that addictions transfer, change shapes and grow.
Secondly, I started dating a charming and charismatic guy in 2006. He was wonderful and romantic, but I soon noticed he seemed to drink a bit too much. Soon my original picture of the alcoholic under the overpass took new shape : alcoholism looked like a Dr Jekyll /Mr Hyde boyfriend who tried to choke me if he'd had too many.
we broke up about 2 years later after a most tumultuous relationship. I had begun drinking a lot to keep up with him, and with the devastation of our break up I just got worse.
It has been about 4 years since we broke up, and the last time he conned me into being with him again was a year ago. I didn't grow up with addiction, beyond my mother's chocolate obsession and my sisters eating disorder, and a loving father who traveled often.The alcoholism in my family was farther removed than what I actually experienced.
I am wondering if Alanon could be for me. I am frustrated to still be obsessing over my ex and somehow loving him deep down despite his abuse if me. I just want to heal and truly escape him forever. I know he is very sick, but I don't think he feels any remorse after his evil behavior during blackouts. I am so insatiable for freedom right now. Thanks for listening and please help!