I've mentioned the eight-month lack of any hint of intimate talk or behavior (keeping it PG here), and he just tells me I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It's not nothing to me...it's important, and mostly I just want to know it's not because of something wrong with me, or maybe now that he's sober he realizes he isn't quite as fond of me as he thought.
Marriage counseling is an option and what that might do is help you come to some middle ground on this. Let's face it when my RAH discounts or belittles how I am feeling by telling me it's not a big deal, that only makes it worse.
It took many marriage counseling sessions for my RAH to let me know that he is not ready to address our intimacy issues. I am not okay with that but it is what it is.
Now that he is better able to express how he feels instead of telling me that what I want or feel is no big deal I am able to let some of the past behavior go. As JR previous post said, it does no good for me to hold on and hit him with a list of grievances that do not apply today. That is not going to get us anywhere closer to intimacy.
BTW we did go to that new Meryl Streep movie, Hope Springs and although there was no history of alcoholism the lack of intimacy between the man and woman seemed very relevant to me. Maybe I could relate because we are not too far from that age though too.
Anyhow, from what my RAH tells me, it is not uncommon for A's to feel numb and it takes them awhile to get over this. He says he has talked with others in his program about this and it just takes time. I would love to hear from others if this is true with their spouses as it is still difficult for me to readily accept what my RAH says, although when I choose to be with him, I have to accept this.