@onlythetruth
When you said "this is not to be confused with being easy" that rang home for me. It is not easy. My struggle will inevitably creep in, like it always has, trying to take me down. My AV is doing pushups close by. My AV is going to come and scream at me sometime soon and i need to be armed and ready for it.
I do however feel a resolve and I feel less burdened. The other approaches that I took (many many many times) have felt heavy and almost like I was on a cliff. Ive never been one for heights. Im not that big of a risk taker (funny how I was risking my life every time I picked up....Hmmmm)
Its all new right now. Practice makes perfect.