He just came home, finished mowing the lawn in the dark. & then I asked where he went and he said "to so &so's (our friends house up the road), & they are playing horseshoes, so I am going back are you coming with me or not", I shook my head no bc I know they are drinking &if its a party I'm sure other people there are doing drugs. He got all mad again and said "of course not, lets just sit at home like a bump on a log instead of having fun, Well I want to have fun so I am going alone I guess, I'm gonna play 1 game &then come home".Then he just left, no kiss or hug or goodbye. &I sit here alone &cry as soon as he leaves,all I want is a hug/kiss, him to be nice to me, & most of all him to be sober, the last part I will never know if it can happen. I can't even soothe my soul anymore. I try to be strong for me,I try to do things for me, I try to be nice to him, I try everything & anything to make this work & in truth I am just a mess. A big mess! I am falling apart in front of my own eyes. what happened to my life, what happened to me the real me, why is it so heart wrenching, why does he do this to me with no remorse, am I stuck in my own story, when will enough be enough, am I ever gonna get the balls to just leave. I dont have the answers to any of these questions, and probably never will to most of em.