KRA, I'm sorry that you have to bear both the pain of your break-up and your family's bad behavior. It sounds like alcoholism and the dysfunction around it has caused you lots of grief. I'm sorry.
My family is the same way. My father was an alcoholic, my brother is an alcoholic, and my mother is just plain nuts. I just don't have anything to do with them because nothing they do is normal. They live in a paranoid la-la land. If that's what your family is like, don't expect them to behave normally, and don't expect to be able to explain their behavior in rational terms.
It is okay to choose your own family for your adulthood; you don't have to stick with your original family for closeness and comfort if it isn't something they can provide.
Strange behavior by strange people is NOT your fault.
You deserve much better. Have you been going to Alanon meetings? I'm finding them helpful as I leave my AH. You need a real support group. We're here on this forum, so post as often as you want.
BothSidesNow