Do I always have to be right?
I had and insight when I went to my therapist visit this week that I thought I'd send out to you guys and see what you thought.
First off although I had been doing pretty good the last few weeks -- Sunday was kinda bad. My AH is off on Sunday and since we didn't have any family plans, he was doing some things around the house. However, it seemed like he was always running off to the "hardware store" for some little thing that I know we have if he searched for it. The "hardware store" just happens to be next to the bar! So all day long I kept asking him if he was really going to the store or ... This just got me more upset because he always said he wasn't stopping in the bar and my gut told me otherwise and his behavaior increasingly said he had been drinking. By the evening I was really upset, especially when he was "taking a nap" in the middle of the day; so I called him on it -- he denied it -- I told him was lying --- yada yada same old story.
So I told my therapist if he would just be honest and tell me he'd been drinking then I could do the detaching thing and not get so upset. But it really bothered me cuz I just kept guessing. Well, he pointed out the obvious -- just assume he's been drinking. Well, yea duh but for some reason I need him to say it. Why he asks? Then it hits me - so I can say "See, I told you so." and then I would be right! Like a game - I would feel some sense of power that I was right and he wasn't.
Just realizing that and then realizing that I really didn't need to be "right" or to "win" was like a light bulb going on. What did I gain by that -- nothing! Of course he's been drinking. I guess I don't always have to be right -- I just need to remember that I have my own power and don't need to get it from my AH. It sure make letting go a lot easier knowing that I don't have to be right.