Sometimes, I think, the kind, apologetic, humble, sober personality is actually just part of the cycle of alcoholism, another form of the disease at work. It is as though the disease shape-shifts to sustain itself. Most of us have experienced a remorseful, sweet, promising alcoholic in the cycle of the alcoholic marriage, and that experience time and again deludes us as to what is really driving the "humble" person before us. Addiction is what is still driving the newly sober alcoholic, and the show of fresh humility is one way it succeeds in controlling us, and we succumb to its manipulations.
It will help you if you see him today not as who he was in years past, nor as a kind and humble person at present, but still as an alcoholic maneuvering his way to control everyone around him. Because he is not well at all, still, and it will take a long time before he could be considered trustworthy and not operating from a base of selfishness. It is this cycle of "bad" and "sorry" that keeps the merry go round of the alcoholic marriage spinning. Most wives stay on that ride for the longest time. As you have. And now you are ready to step off.
Your grief and aching regret are so very understandable, and unavoidable, and you can still do what is necessary while you are feeling those emotions. You can step away from the cycle his disease created and hopes to sustain, acknowledging that you have no control over anything but your own choices. And your choice is to live a healthy and meaningful life which is not controlled by an alcoholic's cycle of pain--then a brief respite--then more pain--then a brief respite--then more pain, without end.
There is never any hope when this cycle is happening. No one gets well. Everyone is lost.
Today there is hope. As he moves out, there is hope. As you surrender to the reality that real change is critical for you both, there is hope. You can place your life in the hands of your Higher Power, do your best to take care of yourself, accept that this passage in your life is temporary and that there is more yet to unfold that will include some kind of happiness as yet unknown.
Your child is the most important person in the events unfolding right now, and it will be vital for you to keep communication open with him, and to educate yourself about the effects of alcoholism on him, for they are profound. He will not know how to articulate what he is feeling or what he needs. Make sure you address his trauma in the right way by doing some reading and perhaps having some sessions with a family counselor. The child will be very torn. Professional help for a couple of months could make all the difference for you and for him.
Today there is more hope than there has been. Try to hold onto that.