Originally Posted by
transformyself 
So, yes obsessing is bad bad bad for us, like crack for codies.
But if you need to know if you're imagining things, and can a) learn that your husband is doing something you consider a deal breaker and b) leave the POS, then investigating is fine, in my books.
After being gas lighted for so long, it's actually very helpful to me to know wtf was really going on. It took a long time to emerge from denial and focus on myself, but knowing the truth of who he is and what he's capable of really helped. Eventually. Maybe you need more proof, which isn't for me or anyone else to judge.
The trick, however, is to use it for good, not evil. Bust him and leave him, with a clear conscience.
By the way, he's a total douche.
I almost thought of hiring a PI at some point just to help me see if my suspicions are founded. I don't think he's cheating, that's too much work for him. But, strip clubs, porn, etc could be an easy fix and I wouldn't rule it out. The thing is, I don't even know what he's capable of anymore. I just feel like I don't know him and that I live with a stranger. Just plain weird.