Liz, on a serious note you have gotten good advice.
Just like you can't control his drinking you can't control any of his other behaviors.
I found this to be a great read.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ed-denial.html
When you are obsessing about what he is doing all you have done is bought a ticket for another round on the merry go round. I hopped off a long time ago and it was well worth it.
Your friend,