It is good that you see the dance you and hubby are having. For us alcoholics it is the first one that gets us not the bottle! Don't be to hard on yourself we learn from our mistakes, that is how we grow. In the end we hurt when we mess up. Today and today only is where I can practice sobriety.
He doesn't understand and he doesn't have to we do, we have to understand when we put alcohol in our systems we become like HYDE, they may be ok with that person but we are not. Stay close to GOD and sober people and definetly SR!!! One breathe and one moment is all we have and being sober is a precious state for us alcoholics. God bless you and stay connected!!!