Sometimes, I feel like things are getting better for me, but then I end up like this with more suicidal thoughts. I never realized how much I thought about it until lately. I don't think I could ever go through with it, because I don't want to hurt anyone. My family's dealth with enough already and I fear God's punishment for that, but I do often just wish I could somehow melt away.
Just thoughts. Stupid, stupid thoughts.