thank you everyone for the replies. i went to my first nar-anon meeting tonight and it was great...very supportive people there. and it felt good to share my story with others in similar situations, and to hear their stories as well. i have a lot of reading to do tonight. i am grateful that i have found this site.
one thing i have learned already is that i cannot control my husband. him getting well is all on him. in the meantime i have to look out for me and my baby...move on.
i love him dearly...i do...i want to be very honest about that. but i know that he is a drug addict, i know he hit me while on drugs or coming down...and i know that his infedelities are all part of this horrible addiction. and at this point, he is doing NOTHING to get better. if anything, he is being enabled by his family.
i feel like i did the right thing...putting him out of this house. it was hard, but i know it was right. he cant be the husband or father to my son that i need. he just cant.
and even if we did reconcile...i would not back down on my requirements. i want rehab, stop drinking, counseling...and full and complete transparency on all forms of communications. that is a healthy marriage to me. i should be able to pick up his phone, look at call detail...hell, even answer his phone if i want to.
he is not willing to do that...so i will let him go.
he walked out on his family over that...and that tells me a lot. it also tells me that i made the right decision by not backing down...he obviously has a lot to hide from me.
i am happy that everyone confirmed that he is an addict...like i said i am/have been in denial. but anyone doing coke 4-5 times a week is an addict...and addicts lie right? so he was most likely doing it more than that.
do you think that telling him that i will not let him see our son until he goes to rehab is a good idea? i know it is harsh, but i feel like i need to draw the line. or perhaps tell him that he can see his son, but only at our house for a few hours...he cant take him anywhere.
the other thing i was going to ask is why wont he talk to me? i mean, the restraining order does say that he can talk to me about our son...but he has his family contact me on his behalf. he says he was advised by the court not to have any contact with me...but the RO says otherwise as long as the contact is peaceful.
is it because he cant face me? becasue i know he is full of **** and will hold him accountable? that is what i think. i am reality. and reality with me means rehab, transparency, counseling, and stop drinking.
thoughts?