Thanks, I am keeping all options open right now and if I'm not better in 6 weeks, I won't have a job anyway (a disability/company policy thing).
This week has been better. When I saw my pychiatrist Thursday, he filled out some paper work for me to only work 1/2 time unil I see him again (2 weeks from that apt.).
While I am still struggling, the 4 hours is less stressful and my boss is tempararily backing off a bit. I had to be 2 hours late yesterday because I ended up in the emergency room with a severe asthma attack, but he was okay with that (previously, he had said that any absense or lateness would go in my record). And today, I had a photo assignment that I was also 2 hours late to, but since it was an all day thing and I got everything I was suppose to (plus some), he didn't give me any trouble at all, that I know of yet anyway. He seems to be in a better mood this week. He's just letting me do my job and pretty much staying out of my way (and everyone else's too), which is more effective and effieciant all the way around (not just for me, but also for the whole newsroom).
My therapist suggested Monday that I get an assesment from a day-treatment center because he thinks I need more help than he can give me in one hour each week - which I totally agree. The treatment center evaluated me and agrees that I need intensive treatment. I haven't told my boss yet. The center told me to call and let them know when I can start. I'm know I need it, but I'm nervious about it all. I will have to drive nearly an hour one-way each day and be there by 9 a.m. and stay till 3:30. My boss has me working day shift so that's one obsticle.
In short these things are what I'm worried about:
1. the daily drive (not to mention the cost of gas)
2. my boss's reaction
3. Will my boss let me work my 4 hour shifts in the evening?
4. Will I be able to do both the treatment and still work or will it be too much for me?
5. The paper work
6. A MAJOR ONE - being able to get myself up around 7 a.m. every day to be able to leave by 8 a.m. to get there on time - or being able to make it every day period!
7. I have to get them a copy of my insurance card - which the last hospital lost my card.
8. The shear cost of treatment which will at least last for 2 weeks and no telling how much longer. My insurance will only pay 80 percent of the cost (if it is even covered that is) and I already owe thousands of dollars in medical bills and student loans that I'm defaulting on.
9. Loosing access to my digital camera again (since it is my reprieve from stress and brings the only real joy to my life right now) since it belongs to the paper
10. The shear commitment of it all - since I'm struggling to keep up with any commitments
11. Fears that it won't help me much
I know I just have to bite the bullet and tell my boss tomorrow and probably start treatment next week some time - I just really don't think I will be able to make it there by 9 a.m., or even 10 a.m., each day.
But I guess, all I can do is pray and do my best,
Thanks for even caring to read all this mumbling,
Jenna