I've messed up a good few relationships in the past due to drinking. I've said terrible, awful things and I thought nobody would ever forgive me for them. I stopped drinking and it's taken time, but things are back to normal with most of those people that I caused issues with. It's time to forget other people for now. Time to cut yourself off from the he said/she said stuff and the drama of it all... for now you need to be calm and focus on staying sober. Nothing changes overnight - you can't force forgiveness. Try to relax and don't beat yourself up about this. All the best to you x