Weasel1966

I get a lot out of writing about what I am working at in my life. Being abstinent is the single most important thing I can do for myself.

This is a defining moment in my life.

Defining..... I read that back and it sounds funny to me. Defining.

Alcohol has defined me for a long time now. It has been many moments, It has characterize me to others as a fool, unreliable, and sad. It has supported my many false beliefs in myself. It has reinforced bad relationships. It has spoken for me when I chose to be silent.

"it" has defined a great many things even I cannot yet see. Things others never shared out of pity or fear or just plain indifference.

The only thing about being abstinent now is that I get to define me. It's my words people hear. It's my work people see. It's my joy and sadness in the raw.

If I wanted to redefine something. Let's say my cat Henry. Start to treat him as a dog. Feed him dog food. Get him a bone. Try and walk him. I could not of course. He's a cat. A friendly loving fuzzy diabetic cat. That's his definition.

So what makes me think I can redefine myself as anything other than an alcoholic?

I am not sure I want to.

I realize that in my pursuit I have been trying to redefine myself as something I am not. I suppose thats acceptance. Or at the very least acknowledgment of the obvious.

I will accept my definition as an alcoholic and not try and change it other than to be a sober one.

I suppose that's all we can do.