The only thing I can suggest is that you and your wife try to take care of yourselves. As the first step says you are powerless over what your daughter is doing. I had the same daughter a few years ago. Alanon has helped me immensely and has taught me how to live amid the craziness. I can say now that my daughter is clean, sober, drugfree, in recovery and has given me two beautiful grandchildren. However, my husband and I went through hell with this child and my life has been saved/spared/blessed by alanon. It's a great program and you fit the criteria for membership. Hope you give it a try. Good luck.