Hi, I'm new here. Found this site while googling 'when to leave my alcoholic husband'. I was coming out of the fog of denial. We have been married three years, when we first met (6 years ago) he had 2 DUIs-no license and a gf with whom it had gotten abusive (supposedly on her part, now realize I don't know heads from tails). At first (he was my manager at a pizzeria) we would buy a 6-pack everynight, maybe finish it maybe not. On Saturdays when none of the owners were there, they had a case of beer in the walk-in cooler! I put a stop to that, saying if they ever caught you you would be screwed. All the time I never wanted to take it seriously, hindsight...
Recently he has gotten violent. That's what shook me awake-not somuch the violence but the minimalizing and repression of it, that made me realize he is truly sick. He wanted to leave after we started arguing, had been drinking (was lucid) and so i threw his keys into the backyard. He reacted by raging around the house dumping my purse and breaking a glass top coffee table. I went to our backyard hoping in the early evening there were people out n he may take it down a notch. No, he threw a dog toy at me, ripped my phone from my hands and threw it. I left with the dogs, as I should have earlier.
I had taken it so personally when he couldn't moderate. Just the crack of that beer would be like a nail to my heart. I've asked him repeatedly to keep it to two days a week, which he never could quite do. He doesn't get wasted, not with his tolerance, but has come home from drinking with the 'boys' (his managers for god sakes-this is the restaurant business) and spit it my face. I had put his pillow out on the couch n told him that's where he was sleeping and he did not like that. I went to a hotel for the weekend, reflected on a lot of MY OWN childhood pain in which I had not let myself feel(denial) so emotionally it was productive. I picked him up Monday and we went to a counselor. He was sheepish, shy, silent.
Back to present I am now seeing a counselor of my own. I realize I can work only on myself. I'm awaiting a phone call from his mother in which I plan to inform her of my concern that he has driven drunk recently, and threatened suicide (I don't want to live, I want to die) I hope it's just the addict in him manipulating me. At this point I don't care if he got himself help, I'm in self-preservation mode, and it wouldn't be self-motivated on his part anyways. I'm sorry so long!
