Welcome to SR. You'll find many people have done that same thing. We know what you're going through and have been there. It's good to have you here. You'll find lots of support and understanding.
Have you ever heard of AVRT? (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) It sort of trains you to understand what is your addiction talking and what is you... it's INCREDIBLY useful - it has liberated me and I am now able to look at alcohol in the supermarket and know that I honestly 100% do not want it, at all. If you fancy taking a look, you can google the AVRT crash course... it takes barely any time at all. I found it quite revolutionary.
You also need to WANT to quit, more than anything else. But it sounds like you are.
All the best to you.