It's never too late for recovery, I used for the better part of 20 years before I finally found a way not to be in my active addiction. For me that has involved being treated with suboxone and attending many 12 step groups. I am fortunate that in my area, NA is a very young fellowship and most of the people who attend my home group are either in maintenance medication treatment or were at one point. I don't have to go through the judgement of NA purists who say I'm not clean and it has been a blessing for me. I am so lucky that I have been able to develop a support network of people who understand what I've been through.
I'm sorry that you feel like you can't beat this. You can't just give up and say I'll just use for the rest of my life. Unless you enjoy being in active addiction, you have to stand up and try to quit. If your addiction is working for you, good. But I have a feeling that is not the case. You have some clean time under your belt and you know there is another way out there. You say reality almost killed you, but reality is still going on all around you whether you are using or not. All using does is change your perception of reality. There are ways to learn to cope with life other than using drugs. I hope you will give yourself the chance to gain those skills and get your life back. We do have to accept that we are powerless over our addiction in order to work the program, but that doesn't mean we have to use forever. It means that we can't use effectively or "normally". You have to decide to either fight or lay down and die. I hope you choose to fight, because believe it or not, reality isn't really all that bad, and it's not changing anyway. You can either choose to live in reality and deal with life on life's terms or you can continue to numb yourself while reality continues without you and everyone else is living their lives all around you.
I will pray for you to find recovery and that you find a reason to fight. My sister didn't and I buried her 5 years ago. I hope you will choose not to put the people who care for you through that.