New to the forum, telling my story
Hello everybody! I am new to this forum and I would like to tell you a bit of my background.
I turn 19 this year and I my mother is a sober alcoholic.
My mother have had a bit of a drinking problem whole my life, though, I don't have any memories of my childhood as being bad or full of insecurities, I didn't realize she was an alcoholic until I was about 14 or 15, though I remember she turned to the bottle when I was 11 (grandfather died that year), though about that time I didn't understand what she did, I didn't understand why she was so sarcastic and snide, and I didn't really understand why her voice changed.
Now, I want to add to the story that my mom's father was a periodical alcoholic and he could become aggressive and abusive. My mom had to go in between so that her mother wouldn't get hit.
Now I have gone through different therapies, I started to go to the school counselor and later I started with cognitive behavioral therapy and that helped a bit. Right now I go to another psychiatrist who helps me a lot with my feelings!
Today my mom is sober, and I try my best to forgive mom and dad for not giving me the best childhood, though some days it's harder for me to forgive, and it makes me angry that they made take anti-depressives and anti-anxiety pills, but soon one day I will grow up, move out, study, work and I will live another kind of life.
There are some things that I react to, such as the sound of my mom clearing her throat, hearing that hurts sometimes and it makes me think of the times when she drank, though my reaction isn't as strong as before, it still hurts.
I also have a girlfriend, my first girlfriend, and she knows a bit of my history and so on, and she understands, though I still have some worries about taking her home because sometimes I feel bad because of what happened.
If you have any tips on how to make my reactions "extinguish" it would be great! I don't want to feel bad if my mother hawks.
I hope you understand what I have written. English is not my native tongue.
Take care everybody!
Much love!
/Toronto93