John;
sometimes fear of the unknown is the scariest of all.
You have a DUI, hopefully no one was hurt and you're here to post about your anxiety.
going to AA will act in your favor when you go to court.
it will get better after you know what is expected with the consequences.
You don't have to apologize for posting your feelings....that's what we're here for. and many of us do NOT badger or ask repeatedly if you've "been to a meeting". There are different ways to deal with problems, drinking and otherwise.
maybe you would benefit from some one-to-one therapy with a doc. to help you reach for different methods of coping.
(in addition to AA or in place of).
I think you are sincere about wanting to never drink, cos you know your bottom.
38 days is a good start for you. please keep posting.