...but I don't know what they are. What I did, and do, is simply detached and I'm not sure how I did it other than to ask myself, "Is this any of my business and am I responsible for dealing with it or cleaning it up?"
When the answer was no, which it was more often than not it turned out, I simply let it go (or let God as others would say). Sometimes emotionally I didn't, but in action I did.
Later, I stopped feeling emotional about those things most of the time. Later than that I noticed that even when detaching I still felt love for her, but that love was no longer leading to codependent behavior on my part.
This happened over the course of about seven years. I'm a slow learner. Your results may vary.
I hope this helps.
C-
Originally Posted by
seek 
You ask a very good question. I think it is much easier to "detach with love," when you actually detach physically and the person isn't in your face . . .but I would love to hear how others have managed to "detach with love," while still living with an active alcoholic. I have NO IDEA how one would do this, but would like to learn.
Good luck to you.