I have written a few letters to my ex, but never sent them. Funny thing is that now that I look back on them, I am soooooo glad that I didn't.
You have to find your own closure because they will never give it to you. Mine kept trying to stick his foot in the door which was confusing to me (although I was letting this happen). I had to close the door myself.
I was feeling bad about yelling at him the last time we spoke, so when he managed to get to me through my office phone (can't block calls from that phone) I talked to him. Funny thing is that he effed himself. He started the convo off by asking how I was, when I started to answer he cut me off and started to talk about himself. I closed my mouth and let him talk. Instead of playing the game I just kept saying "oh" after every comment. He realized that I am no longer playing "the dance" and/or "the game" So then he said "I'm lonely" This statement changed everything. I saw him for what he truly was and not who I wanted him to be. Those three words "I am lonely" is why he called me. He NEEDS an enabler. He doesn't love me and he probably never did. He only cares about himself and those three words have totally saved me. I had been praying for an ending. And I got it.
So, I am sorry for the ramble. My point was, you can get closure without her. It will happen. Don't interfere with "the plan" that your higher power has for you. He will take care of things.