we were seperated, the agreement had been that we were to live seperately and either he agreed to give up drinking and demonstrate sobriety for 3-6 months before we could look at whether our marriage could be saved or I would proceed immediately to divorce. He agreed, he did not give up drinking for a single day - it was always going to happen in his own time. I postponed a decision, building my own life, for 9 months, he was filled with rage and paranoia directed at me.
he had a fairly big-deal operation, when he came out he told me he had discharged himself early and as part of an "amusing story" about a friend coming round boasted that he had been drinking spirits either the day he discharged himself or the very next, thinking that I, who had been waiting for him to quit, would think that was funny.
It was like all the tenuous rods that had been holding up my hope just crumpled, and turned to dust. I saw that no matter what he said, and whether or not he believed it when he said it, in reality he had no intention of giving up drinking, not even for a day, and I was wasting my life making plans based on a hope that he would.