Sometimes I wish I could be that smiling guy in a TV commercial or magazine ad, enjoying there drug of choice in a relaxing setting. Everyone is smiling and laughing and oh so beautiful.
Oh wouldn't it be great if it were that easy, if the romanticized fantasy's were all true, and there were no consequences to using, drinking, puffing, snorting etc. If you didn't have to wake up next to some stranger, not knowing who drove, how you got where you were going, wondering where your money went, what promises you may have made at a bar to people you may or may not even know. Not to mention waking up with a headache, depressed and nauseous.
Heck the 30 minutes of fun I would have had at the party I wouldn't even remember the next day, was it worth it? The guilt of having to apologize again for saying and or doing G-d knows what to who knows who.
Sometimes I think that being sober is boring and I think to myself, hey I can have a drink its not a problem, just one or two. Just one or two lines, just one or two puffs, just one or two, its all good. Then I remember about those phony baloney advertisements, trying to trick me into thinking everyone at that party is oh so beautiful and having oh so much fun. It's bull Shi*!! It's a lie, My mind is trying to play a trick on me, no matter how low I might feel right now or how much I think having a drink will help, I just have to think about it all the way through. Is the 1 or 2 hours of "Fun" worth throwing away the Sobriety I worked so hard to achieve? If it was truly fun for the hours and days that followed, I imagine I would not ever have made it to these forums.
Sure in the "High School" days, it may have been fun for a spell. But in reality it was never as fun as I remember it to have been. There was constant depression and regret and anxiety. Trying to run away from myself never worked, no matter how hard I tried, I was always there back with myself.
It was only until I tried a new approach that anything changed for me.
Is sobriety always fun? No, but at least I don't have to wake up in a strange bed trying to piece together the pieces of a forgotten night. Or in a jail cell with a DUI or worse a murder charge, It could happen to any of us.
The choice is mine to protect my sobriety with all my heart and soul and try and help others in need OR decide to give in to the temptation of moderately using and enjoying the "good life" in the place that exists only in the fantasies of the mind and the phony baloney advertisements.
I drank and used to get F'ed up, not to have the one glass of Antioxidant wine for health reasons. Having just one glass or just one toke, is pointless. Why play russian roulette with my life to see if perhaps this time things can be different when I drink. One does not need to go far to see the devastation that drugs and alcohol will reek eventually on you. It might take a few weeks, Months or even years but eventually there is a bus bench waiting for each and every one of us, it's up to us if we need to end up using it.
I know I certainly don't want to ever go down that road and I will go to any lengths to maintain my freedom from drugs and alcohol.
Thanks for letting me share.
Best of luck to us all.