This thread is a good reminder for me. It reminds me of something I learned some years ago but had forgotten, and did yet again. I learned that my standards of living are actually NOT everyone else's. And I learned that MY way really is only good for ME. That really, I need to keep standing aside, minding my own side of the street, and letting God do things HIS way.
I learned that I can bring a crack addicted alcoholic into my home and clean him up; make him take daily showers, brush his teeth, and wear deodorant; suggest, force or entice him to go to the doctor, the dentist, the psychologist, AA, NA, to church, to school, and to rehab; watch his behavior over time and measure it according to what I think is best for him; monitor his relationships with others; feed him nourishing food; help him get his finances together; buy him nice clothes and do his laundry for him; make sure he goes to work and monitor his spending; and all sorts of other things I have done "for"others I wanted to "help." But in the end, none of what I felt good about, none of the "results," were an indication of ANYTHING. In the long run, none of my sacrifices really made that much difference. Turns out I really was just enabling, when I thought what I was doing was instructing and helping. People are going to live their lives the way they are going to live their lives, regardless of how much I give, sacrifice, say or teach.
The way I measure health and success in life really has nothing to do with whether or not an addict or alcoholic will get and stay clean. I've several times heard someone running away from me say, "I need to be my own man!" I didn't understand it the first time I heard it. I understand it now.
It's like Owathu said in a post on F&F/Alcoholics yesterday:
Water seeks it's own level and I've been trying to act like a Dam for years.