We can't just let go of 'hope'. Hope, Faith, Love.
I have learned in the past 4 months the success rate of the first time 'try to sober' is 3%. Very small. I could have lost my hope when I heard that. We all hope our A will be the exception and be in the 3%.
Alcohol has really been an underlying sadness my entire life. I have had a wonderful life, don't get me wrong. I had a wonderful mom, a man who loves me, two wonderful sons. We now have 4 wonderful grandchildren. I know my A dad loved us all too.
I find it very hard to be 'to the point' and say no. I think my husband will have to tune his manipulation out...and know that it is manipulation when it is happening.
As a mom, I will always and forever love my son. Maybe a spouse of an A can always love their A spouse. If I was going through this pain with my spouse (that I am going through with my son), I think (not sure because I am not in that situation) I would be angry, mad, and begin to dislike him.
A woman friend of mine across the country from me has a husband who tried to sober 3 times (I think). He finally did sober but his life consists of AA meetings, working, AA meetings, work. The love is lost. She wants him out, and he won't go.
This is the difference in my thinking... my AA woman friend really dislikes her husband and stuck with him but really wants some quality life herself now. Me, as a mom... I will never dislike my son. Never. He is part of my heart and soul. Always will be.
That is where I am coming from. I am healing. I pray when my mind starts to get scattered thoughts.... Pray, asking for God to remove those thoughts I can't do anything about. It is beginning to become natural...the thoughts not ALWAYS in my head. I am sleeping better. That is a good sign.