I stumbled upon SR while searching the internet for support for myself and my parents. In May I found out that my 37 yr. old brother has been a drug addict for 20 years. I cannot begin to describe the guilt I feel for not knowing what was going on all these years. I still wouldn't know if my brother had not decided to use bath salts and threaten his roommate who then called the police. He was transported to the hospital and put in the behavioral health unit.
Since then my brother has been hospitalized a 2nd time after wandering down the road after midnight and being struck by a motorcycle. Fortunately his only injuries were a fractured arm and leg, and the motorcyle driver was unharmed.
My brother has been financially enabled by my parents for years. He has a son, my nephew (8yrs old), and has used him to manipulate the situation. My parents have paid his mortgage, his bills, etc. all because he spent his money on drugs.
Besides the guilt, I am so angry about being kept in the dark about his substance abuse. I have since found out that my parents knew that my brother had "experimented" with drugs several times over the years, but I was never told. I know that they were in denial and didn't want to believe that he was using drugs, but I had a right to know. I am married and have a daughter who loves her uncle dearly. Had I known about the drugs she would never have been allowed around my brother.
Since all hell broke loose in May, my brother has moved in with my parents. My 78 year old father has spent weeks fixing up the home that my brother owns in order to rent it out so that the mortgage can be paid. My parents have said they refuse to pay the mortgage anymore. My brother acts as though he is doing my parents a favor by renting it out so they don't have to pay the mortgage, and told me that they should have let it go into foreclosure years ago. Really??????
My brother has been attending outpatient treatment and has continued to use prescription narcotics while living with my parents. Once again, I only found out when I went to their house and saw that my brother's pupils were as big as softballs and he kept spacing out which made a conversation with him impossible. When I told my parents about my concerns, my dad told me that I was probably right, and then told me about his trips to the doctor and ER seeking pain killers for the leg that was fractured in the accident 6 weeks earlier.
My brother left for a 28 day inpatient treatment program on Monday. He told us that he did not want us to come to see him until he called us to say he was ready. He told me he was looking forward to going because he "need a break from Mom and Dad." Really????? I couldn't help myself, and told him that he shouldn't even be living with them, and that this whole situation is a result of his choices. He agreed, but then made excuses. He says he just needs the 28 days to get over the worst of the cravings. He isn't interested in exploring why he uses, and when I mentioned learning coping skills for life in order to help prevent a relapse, he blew that off too.
It is like my brother has become someone that I don't even know, or maybe I never knew him to begin with. My gut tells me that he is going to rehab for the wrong reasons. I fear that he will relapse in the not too distant future. My dad is ready to write him completely out of his life and my mom is devestated. My brother told me that right now the addiction is more important than me, my parents, or anyone else in his life. He told me that his son, whom he has always claimed to love more than anything in the world, is on equal footing with the addiction. That statement broke my heart because my nephew worships his father, and to know that it is not reciprocated is sad beyond words. As difficult as that statement was to hear, it was probably the only honest thing he has said to me since May.
I apologize for the rambling, but any words of wisdom or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated.
