Joeysgirl - I am happy you understand my DIL's behavior as a TAKER. That word is the word my husband used 8 years ago when they were married. We found out within 6 weeks of marriage. I will no longer be manipulated by her, either. I am working at that. It is a process...
My son was arrested on DUI 3 and in jail for 3 months before granted bond for rehab. He has been in rehab 6 weeks this Sunday and will return to jail for his bench trial on Monday. We don't know what will happen. His situation was a big mess. He had a DUI 2 10 days prior to the DUI 3. We think his wife may have called the police on both. He was sitting in the car, not running, with keys in reach for DUI 2. DUI 3 he had driven and was parked at home when police came. Long story short. We are thankful he was in jail -- not on manslaughter charge.
He is sober, we believe, after being in jail 3 months and rehab 6 weeks. He manipulated by phone while in jail. I think he is still manipulating his dad. We think his wheels are turning right now. Questions from our AS need to be thought through before we answer them.
My husband is not 'into' recovery (Alanon). He is stressed to the limit, going to see the doctor Friday, going to pick up son on Sunday (judge's order for husband).
Son wants keys for storage where his repaired car is and he wants keys to his house brought. He is suppose to go from rehab to jail. He is manipulating. I don't think my husband is strong enough to go from rehab to jail and he will give in to house OR car. Very hard for him. Would be for me also.
I suggested my husband call our AS and let him know he will pick him up at a certain time and exactly what his (husband's) plans are and will be.
Reason for posting here is even though our A is sober, they can continue their manipulation. Recovery is a VERY long process and VERY hard (according to my AA friend). Recovery takes strength and courage. I pray a lot. I really do want my 'real' son back. I don't know if that will ever happen. I can only know I will WORK AT taking care of myself. That is not easy either because I like to be nice, as you do. I believe wanting to make every calm, nice, peaceful is part of my make from being the adult child of an alcoholic.
Peace be with all of us in recovery...