hmmm... Im new here and because of my boyfriend. But I dont understand why it is bad to give emotional support to someone if they are in recovery mode.
My boyfriend definetly took advantage and manipulated me when he was active in his use; but I think it was all caused from the drug. He wasnt like that before, and now that he is fully detoxed and headed towards an inaptient rehab - I can already see a difference in him; back more the normal man I know.
I do think that people fall into patterns, and Ive heard that it takes a while to change those behaviors and change their outlook, perception of how they fit in with others, etc. Like realizing in this case, his grandfather is making a really hard trip back and forth, and he should be appreciative. But then I also can see where if he has been sittign in jail then in his mind he is focused on these things like seeing his car, seeing his house that he has probably focused on while in jail. They are like ties back to reality in a way.
Like I said Im new... but I would do what you are comfortable with physically, and from your own emotional standpoint. Say what you feel you need to say, encourage in ways that you think might motivate him.
And as far as the daugheter in law.... sounds just like my sister in law. She is not an addict or alcoholic, but she is a big time TAKER. She will do her best to see every situation to her advantage in regards to my parents. If it means so she gets free babysitting, or finds a way to ask one of them to pick up something from the grocery store for her under the pretense of the kids, or times it so my parents have to feed the kids dinner and she will walk in just as they finish, or I love this one... my mom will get a coupon for like 30% off a store, and my sister in law will have a list of things the kids need, and she will pay her for all of it ( has to go on my moms credit card to get the discount) and then she conveniently forgets until my mom asks her for the money. Or... convincing my parents that if her and my brother go onto my parents cellphone plan and each pay half the bill... then they will all have more minutes and it will be cheaper for everyone ! Except after two months they just quit paying. (My mom let it go on two months then she put their accounts on hold so they couldnt use their phones unless they paid up) and as soon as the year was up, she dropped them off. That is so not the way my mom raised me and my brother; but my brother wont even stand up to his wife... he has become a TAKER also. Its sick. Sorry for the vent.