I understand your being scared. Alcoholism will take a woman down very hard in middle age, which is where you are right now. I was 44 when I stopped drinking. My "bottom" was not as drastic as others have dealt with - I had a job, car, home, etc. But I was (and always will be) a drunk. The difference between then & now is I am a drunk who has not had a drink TODAY, thru the grace of God and the program of AA.
If I were to share any hope here with you, I'd first say you only have to do this program one heartbeat at a time. 90 meetings in 90 days seems impossible ... break it down into manageable baby steps. They will add up and you will find yourself linking one sober day to the previous one. My father (sober for 27 1/2 yrs at the time of his death) used to say, "By the yard, it's hard; but by the inch, it's a cinch!"
God be with you,
dcj