I used to be the same way. I had a bunge drinking problem and people around me told me I was completely different drunk I wasnt a nice person at all. The binge drinking quickly progressed into daily drinking and started screwing up my life. I lost the people in my life and ended up in 5 psych wards in less than three months. How I got sober was I had to really want it even if I didnt know how to stay sober. I had to let go of the fact I could never drink again it didnt matter how much therapy I went through it would never change the fact I was an alcoholic and alcohol was an allergy and I would never be able to be a normal drinker. I was powerless over alcohol. Before, I would always relapse because I convinced myself each time would be different and I could control it but never could.
I started attending AA meetings. I just sat and listened to people talk. At first I refused to call myself an alcoholic but I could identify with so many in the room. Its good to reach out for help and try attending meetings and just sit back and listen with an open mind. The insanity of alcoholism will force us to believe we can continue to drink but if you arte truely an alcoholic the only way to control your drinking is through abstinence. Its not easy but its worth it not to wake up with hangovers and the guilt and shame of not knowing what we did or who we hurt the night before. Good luck. Welcome and keep on posting.