Hey there, glad you are feeling better for this moment! Talked to my doc today and because I have come off of hydrocodone and Paxil in the last month, we are not going to mess with the Ativan right now. It is too much, and I am worried it could cause me to relapse on opiates because my mood was so bad. So I am back on it. My husband is a "strict by the book" AAer--I actually admire him for that as he has 16 years of sobriety--so he will not have a baby with me until I have at least 9 months-1 year of sobriety from opiates. That is why I was interested in getting of Ativan, but we still have plenty of time before I get pregnant. I am just not strong enough right now, I can admit that, so the Ativan will have to be next to go but not right now. Following that will be Ambien, which I think is going to be horrible, I have been on it forever. But, hopefully as I get stronger in my recovery (and I am) I can face those things with more tools in my toolbox than I have with just a month off opiates. I hope you keep feeling better. I am very religious and spiritual too (I know not every one is, that is fine their choice), but I am and I have been praying like crazy for you (and me). Those pills for me are the devil incarnate LOL. I miss my aunt so much, and I know her son misses her terribly. Every time I want to take them I think of that situation. I don't know where you are spiritually, but I am doing something called Celebrate Recovery because AA/NA were not "clicking" for me this time. They did when I needed to stop drinking but not on this. Celebrate Recovery is different. It still has the steps which I believe really do help you recover (I know they do, they got me off alcohol) but it has somewhat more of a religious take on things. It is working for me this time. The people are awesome. I was so scared they would be judgemental but they are not at all. It's a lovely program and giving me a lot of support through this. You do not have to be Christian to attend. So, maybe you would want to try it maybe not....your decision. But it is everywhere across the US just go to
Celebrate Recovery if you are interested. You go one night a week for a large group followed by a small group (mine is females chemical dependency) and then you just talk and hang out. I love it! You go one other night a week for a step study. I don't know, it is really helping me. But it is up to you. Regardless, I am here for you and let's keep talking because we are going to beat this thing and you cannot do it alone!!!!