Sally I was forty when I sobered up for the last time...they did not die, but I lost not one but two partners....I grieved for years.
I forgot that the purpose of grief is to help us deal with that immense sadness, not to keep us in misery forevermore.
Noone's saying forget Andrew - or not to miss him...but don't use him as an excuse for self destruction....thats not being fair to his memory Sally.
but I get it....I wanted my life to be done at 40.
I was sick, I had a lot of long standing health issues anyway...issues that will likely get worse as I get older....I wanted my life to be over.
5 and a half years on I keep thinking of things I would have missed and the joy I found again.
You have a choice Sally - you can continue to wallow in your past and in your pain...or you can move forward and live however many years you have left in peace joy and...even happiness
You deserve that as much as any of us.
Going to rehab might be the first step in that process...and anything has to be better than the life you're living now.
If you're worried about your asthma meds in there, get a letter from your Dr clearly explaining their reasons why you need the dose you're on.
I'm really glad I took my second chance Sally...I hope you will too.
you have a lot of people here cheering you on
D