Please nobody take this the wrong way; I mean this in no disrespect towards anybody.
Hopefully nobody else has to feel the same way. After reading "After the Tears", I'm happy to know that the reason my younger sister doesn't seem to be as affected as I am is because I protected her from it (the 'umbrella affect'), but sometimes I want to kick and scream that I'm the only one dealing with all of this crap. It just doesn't seem fair at times that while everyone's still going about their life, I'm still being held down by feelings of worthlessness. Why do I take things the wrong way and freak out? Why am I still depressed after all these years? We were all around his drinking for the same amount of time - why am I the one who was pushed to the brink of suicide and forced to seek help?
Sometimes, I wonder why my parents had me when they were clearly not ready for children. They had me, and two years later my sister. Drinking yourself into a blacked out state every weekend is a clear sign that you're not ready for a family. and sadly, you'll be too drunk to even recognize the damage you're doing. I attempted suicide when I was 16, and sometimes dream if only I had jumped when I had the chance.
My niece just turned 3 in April, and she is my reason that I cannot give up. She's the reason why I'm still walking down this hard road of recovery. I wouldn't ever take my life because that means throwing her life "into the wind" so to speak, and I'm trying to make my purpose in life now as to stop this disaster from affecting her and any future generations.
but sometimes, I really wish I wasn't the only "crazy" one in the family..
<< this made me laugh.