Welcome, Mystrongisweak. I hope you'll spend some time here as there really are a lot of good people in these forums that want to help. My only advice is not to get attached to the idea that because drinking "runs in the family," that you will necessarily have to endure a long struggle with alcohol. We make our own choices and we can overcome environments where there is substance use and even genetic predispositions to addiction if we are willing to do what it takes to create a new life for ourselves.
I don't know if it will help, but I can share that I grew up with an abusive alcoholic step-father for several years. My biological father was addicted to pain meds for a long time, something that I did not even know until fairly recently. It would be all too easy for me to conclude that "I come by it honestly," but I know that's just an excuse.
You write that you have a hard time sorting out your emotions. There is no one here who did not go through the same struggles when they were drinking or on drugs. The booze, pills, etc. cloud our brains and hamper our ability to experience our feelings as they should be. I will admit that, for many years, I have been afraid to truly embrace my inner truths for fear that I would look weak. Ironically, the very booze that I was using to anesthetize myself against my feelings was making me weaker every day.
You've acknowledged that you need to make a change. It sounds corny, but that really is the first step. The SR forums are a great place to meet people with similar experiences and to create a plan of action for building a healthier life. Take advantage of this resource. I'm sure glad that I did.
Best wishes to you in your recovery.