So you realize that it is his battle alone to not reach for the bottle as his coping method. He will have to learn a NEW coping method, well, several.
What NEW coping methods can you learn when he sets you off so easily emotionally?
This is about YOU...how you react instead of respond. I too have had to learn this very same lesson.
I was a puppet on a string, and he held that string. I gave him all my power for a long long time.